I don’t date Hobbits; well, just once and it was a bad idea and I learned my lesson.
I am a tad taller than 5’ 8,” no Amazon mind you but on the tall side of average. Now, put me in heels and I can shoot up to 5’10” – 6.’ So, I don't go out of my way to repsond to the Tom Cruise representation of height challenged men.
Enter the Hobbit. Careful! If you blink you’ll miss him.
It is my conclusion that no matter the height, men under 5’7” will list their height as 5’6” no matter how tall they really are. If they’re 4’11” they’re 5’6,” 5’2,” on paper - 5’6.” It’s a bad rap for anyone truly 5’6,” they’re pretty much screwed cuz I won’t take the bait again.
When you tell me you’re 5’6” and then when we meet the top of your head (hair included) comes to bottom of my chin/jaw line, even with benefit of doubt, you’re 5.’ I actually measured my head, from my crown to my chin is 8 inches – you’re getting a HUGE benefit of doubt!
Then there’s the crawling part. Yeah, where you have to crawl up me like a monkey in a tree to kiss me.
Ahhhhhh………
No.
Kinda creeped me out, sorry. I tried.
Also, what size shoe do you wear, little Dude?? Those are most definitely NOT Hobbit feet! At least Hobbit feet… well you know what they say about large feet…
My hands are bigger than your feet.
Sigh.
Now Goblins are a different breed (but you knew that, right?). Goblins are not necessarily height or foot-size challenged. No, Goblins are merely ugly or unattractive and don’t post a picture of themselves on-line because they are so insecure. They may claim to be “in the process” of posting pictures on their profile; but don’t allow yourself to be duped, you’ll only be doubly disappointed in the results.
I can only wonder if like attracts like; i.e., do Goblinettes see something divine when they gaze at the white frame that has the words ‘No Photo’ next to the witty on-line screen name??
Think I’m mean or cruel, shallow even? Read this, then judge.
About ½ the traffic on my profile is from Goblins. Sure are a lot of faceless folks out there. Not all send me email, but some do. And last night I actually got a first!! I got an email from what I will call a Globbit!
A Hobbit that is ALSO a Goblin. A Globbit. Perfect. (Sounds better than Gobbit don’t cha’ think?)
A 5’6” faceless, photo-less, 55-yo man. A surfer dude! My, my! Been surfing since he was 11…… that’s 44 years of surfing fun. 44 years of saltwater and sun……
Now, I’m no stranger to sun and saltwater, and attest my preference to be around it as much as I can on my profile; which is why, I believe, I attracted this double disappointment dude. But 44 years of sand & surf… not a pretty picture does my imagination make!!
I keep picturing Spicoli at 55 (Fast Times at Ridgemont High).
(shudder)
(And no, it's not the same as picturing Sean Penn at 55; I'm picturing the character, not the actor! There's a difference....)
My luck, he probably looks like Sam Elliot in 'The Lifeguard' but aged 20 years.
Add in the fact that - in as much as I will give him well deserved credit for actually composing an email to me, which he then applied the Diet Coke/Snickers affect to by trying, lamely, to make me believe I’ve viewed his profile already. Manipulate much? Like I wouldn’t remember viewing a faceless profile? Actually, I probably wouldn’t, which is why I don’t view any profiles without a photo attached to them. Fairly easy system I’ve got going for keeping track of my dittzy self.
Interesting though, he’s the 2nd guy in a week to do that. Makes me wonder if there’s a “tips” website out there somewhere for the ‘faceless’ daters.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Ohhhh, look, kittens. They're sooooo cute, huh Mackenzie?? Sniff, sniff...did you fart?
I just love this picture and had to post it! It has absolutely nothing to do about bad dates. Except that it is from Almost Gay Guy. Who wasn't really a bad date; just not into that type. Rethinking about posting about him. Nice guy. Just an Abba song shy of gay and there's nothing wrong with that.
He’s just not that into......buying me lunch?
There’s always a first for everything, especially in internet dating.
Over the past year + I have read this and that regarding etiquette and modern dating. Not necessarily just applicable to internet dating; but to all methods of trying to make that connection.
One of the topics where I have seen both traditional views and very non-traditional views expressed is that of “who pays.” I’m fairly traditional and ‘old school;’ in my view if you are asked out on a date and that date includes a cup of coffee, a meal, or a movie, the ‘asker’ carries the burden of paying for his/her dates’ drink, meal, or movie. If the initial date turns into multiple dates; I think it’s okay to share or split some of the incurred costs associated. Although, I do think that even later on when you’ve been dating a while, if it’s the guy asking out the girl (in my case), then most of the time I expect guy to pay – I’m a Baby Boomer, not a Gen-X – that’s how it is with us, and that’s how it was with our parents, and their parents, and it’s worked pretty well historically. I know there are exceptions to the rule based on income level/other variables and I get that. I’m sure Julia picks up the tab when she and Danny step out on the town most times (I know they're married now, find me another well known couple I can site where she's the bank and he's not, k? My blog!). Quite frankly, after telling my youngest daughter (23 yo) about this latest date, she was pretty shocked at my dates’ caddishness.
So, yes, you’ve figured it out. I went on a date and had to pay my own way. If this happens again, I know how I will react; but part of me was ‘WTF’ shocked and the other part of me was going “How am I supposed to react to this?”
So, met ‘Cad Vanity’ on line about 4 weeks ago. He initiated contact and in the first week went away for the weekend (which was okay, we all have a life that continues). When he got back the following week he sent me an email and, having previously asked me to lunch (we work a block from each other), proceeded to inform me that lunch would have to wait as he would be out of town for the next 15 days on business and vacation…………
I ask you: Who initiates contact when they know with the first communication sent that they will be unavailable for the next 3 weeks?
Now, I will say that I was talking with another suitor at the same time that I favored over this jerk, but, unfortunately, that fizzled out; which dovetailed with Cad Vanity coming back into town and announcing to me his arrival. I had sent him an email while he was gone that I thought would really render him gone; but there he was “back in civilization!”
So he asked if I still wanted to do lunch; and I thought, well why not – who knows??? Nothing ventured, nothing gained; another one that could grow on me…….*Sh!t* don't.drink.the.koolaid.
He told me to pick where I wanted to go and let him know. So, I did. I picked a very modest burger/salad-type local joint (to equal the place that he suggested that was in my building....ummm, no) that has a similar ordering system to the Chipotle chain. We agree to meet at 11:30 – this was stipulated by him - I think - 3 times … So, I show up at appointed ½ hour and we meet, shake hands, he introduces himself like we’ve met for a business lunch…..uh-oh -- dah dah dah dummmmmmmm...
We chat a few seconds about the restaurant, he didn’t know it existed in our work neighborhood, blah, blah, blah, and head to the counter to order. The kid behind the counter welcomes us, asks us if we know the drill, etc. Cad Vanity is clueless and asks a billion questions (ok, maybe 4 or 5, of which 3 or 4 are too many). The kid asks: “together or separate?’ I'm thinking "Well, together of course," and almost blurt that out, but think better of it. Something distracts Cad Vanity and the kid asks us to step closer to the counter, then asks again… “together or separate?” Cad Vanity says: “What? Oh! Separate.”
c r i c k e t s
AYFKM??????!!!!!!!
And yet, because I have never encountered this before and all those articles and headlines are flooding into my frontal lobe; I’m at the same time going “Hold on, hold on, this is acceptable behavior somewhere…..where though, where???? Oh yeah, that would be Cowardly-Cheapass-Chump territory on MARS.
He must do this all of the time; he’s so matter of fact in his demeanor.
So, I pay for my friggin’ $8 fish salad & drink and am livid on the inside, but not sure I should be - given some other recent dating behavior – I can’t figure who's on first and which one got the first down! I choose to carry out the charade. We get our food and continue outside to sit and eat. The conversation is initially about him for the first 20 minutes (I haven’t even asked him anything yet!) Surprise! Although we have a couple of things in common, his conversation has that “I’m already here, so I might as well eat lunch anyway” detached quality about it.
Nice. I could be having a tuna sandwich at my desk and catching up on Michael Phelps phenomenal physique.
You !!@#&*$%!…..
Needless to say, there was no plea made in respect to “I’d like to do this again sometime” from me. “Please, sir, stick another needle in my eye. More waterboarding please!”
If I encounter that chump behavior again, I’ll save my money and excuse myself by telling him… “Seperate Checks, Separate tables, Separate ways, you cheap sumbitch!”
Over the past year + I have read this and that regarding etiquette and modern dating. Not necessarily just applicable to internet dating; but to all methods of trying to make that connection.
One of the topics where I have seen both traditional views and very non-traditional views expressed is that of “who pays.” I’m fairly traditional and ‘old school;’ in my view if you are asked out on a date and that date includes a cup of coffee, a meal, or a movie, the ‘asker’ carries the burden of paying for his/her dates’ drink, meal, or movie. If the initial date turns into multiple dates; I think it’s okay to share or split some of the incurred costs associated. Although, I do think that even later on when you’ve been dating a while, if it’s the guy asking out the girl (in my case), then most of the time I expect guy to pay – I’m a Baby Boomer, not a Gen-X – that’s how it is with us, and that’s how it was with our parents, and their parents, and it’s worked pretty well historically. I know there are exceptions to the rule based on income level/other variables and I get that. I’m sure Julia picks up the tab when she and Danny step out on the town most times (I know they're married now, find me another well known couple I can site where she's the bank and he's not, k? My blog!). Quite frankly, after telling my youngest daughter (23 yo) about this latest date, she was pretty shocked at my dates’ caddishness.
So, yes, you’ve figured it out. I went on a date and had to pay my own way. If this happens again, I know how I will react; but part of me was ‘WTF’ shocked and the other part of me was going “How am I supposed to react to this?”
So, met ‘Cad Vanity’ on line about 4 weeks ago. He initiated contact and in the first week went away for the weekend (which was okay, we all have a life that continues). When he got back the following week he sent me an email and, having previously asked me to lunch (we work a block from each other), proceeded to inform me that lunch would have to wait as he would be out of town for the next 15 days on business and vacation…………
I ask you: Who initiates contact when they know with the first communication sent that they will be unavailable for the next 3 weeks?
Now, I will say that I was talking with another suitor at the same time that I favored over this jerk, but, unfortunately, that fizzled out; which dovetailed with Cad Vanity coming back into town and announcing to me his arrival. I had sent him an email while he was gone that I thought would really render him gone; but there he was “back in civilization!”
So he asked if I still wanted to do lunch; and I thought, well why not – who knows??? Nothing ventured, nothing gained; another one that could grow on me…….*Sh!t* don't.drink.the.koolaid.
He told me to pick where I wanted to go and let him know. So, I did. I picked a very modest burger/salad-type local joint (to equal the place that he suggested that was in my building....ummm, no) that has a similar ordering system to the Chipotle chain. We agree to meet at 11:30 – this was stipulated by him - I think - 3 times … So, I show up at appointed ½ hour and we meet, shake hands, he introduces himself like we’ve met for a business lunch…..uh-oh -- dah dah dah dummmmmmmm...
We chat a few seconds about the restaurant, he didn’t know it existed in our work neighborhood, blah, blah, blah, and head to the counter to order. The kid behind the counter welcomes us, asks us if we know the drill, etc. Cad Vanity is clueless and asks a billion questions (ok, maybe 4 or 5, of which 3 or 4 are too many). The kid asks: “together or separate?’ I'm thinking "Well, together of course," and almost blurt that out, but think better of it. Something distracts Cad Vanity and the kid asks us to step closer to the counter, then asks again… “together or separate?” Cad Vanity says: “What? Oh! Separate.”
c r i c k e t s
AYFKM??????!!!!!!!
And yet, because I have never encountered this before and all those articles and headlines are flooding into my frontal lobe; I’m at the same time going “Hold on, hold on, this is acceptable behavior somewhere…..where though, where???? Oh yeah, that would be Cowardly-Cheapass-Chump territory on MARS.
He must do this all of the time; he’s so matter of fact in his demeanor.
So, I pay for my friggin’ $8 fish salad & drink and am livid on the inside, but not sure I should be - given some other recent dating behavior – I can’t figure who's on first and which one got the first down! I choose to carry out the charade. We get our food and continue outside to sit and eat. The conversation is initially about him for the first 20 minutes (I haven’t even asked him anything yet!) Surprise! Although we have a couple of things in common, his conversation has that “I’m already here, so I might as well eat lunch anyway” detached quality about it.
Nice. I could be having a tuna sandwich at my desk and catching up on Michael Phelps phenomenal physique.
You !!@#&*$%!…..
Needless to say, there was no plea made in respect to “I’d like to do this again sometime” from me. “Please, sir, stick another needle in my eye. More waterboarding please!”
If I encounter that chump behavior again, I’ll save my money and excuse myself by telling him… “Seperate Checks, Separate tables, Separate ways, you cheap sumbitch!”
Friday, August 8, 2008
I've jumped the fence...I'm out!
Christ, it's cold and deep at this end of the pool!
Well, I've signed up for the Adsense. I've also linked a few of my fav blogs, some of whom I've been reading long before I ever started my blog and one as recently as last week; and I want them to know they've been an inspiration to me in my journey so far. I have to throw out a Congrats to Waiter Rant, the Grand-Daddy of the bunch! (the site dude, the site, not you) He just got his book published and is just tearing up the TV and media sites with interviews and book signings! I've been a fan for over 2 years - best to you on your success! Please, my friends, click and see what has intrigued me all this time. His site might also give you a few tips for your next trip to your local fav restaurant. Cake Wreck, I'm new to your site, but love, love, love it! Not sure which one was more horrifying - doll giving birth cake or the full size bridezilla cake, but love your commentary! Barmaid, you have a great way with the written word and kudos for really baring your soul. Barista, Waitress, Well Done, I really enjoy your written word as much as the emotion, humor and drama that you've inscribed for us all to enjoy.
I know there might be some curiousity with my choice of linked blogs, given the subject matter I blog about; truth is, Waiter Rant was my first (blush). From him I started clicking on links he supported and they mostly had to do with the food/restaurant industry, which I found fascinating. But the true link is the human connection. In as much as all of us write around a specific subject matter, we touch each other by our written word - whether the touch encompasses the heart, mind, funny bone, or palatte, no matter. We are connected. I will include additional links to other blogs, these intial selections are my roots, my favs.
I'm bound and determined to keep this up, even if I have to write about my daughter's dating life (spare me, oh dear lord! that is drama with a seperate zip code!). Let's just say she rolls her eyes at mine! May I not lapse into another 5 month hiatus!
Datergirl
Well, I've signed up for the Adsense. I've also linked a few of my fav blogs, some of whom I've been reading long before I ever started my blog and one as recently as last week; and I want them to know they've been an inspiration to me in my journey so far. I have to throw out a Congrats to Waiter Rant, the Grand-Daddy of the bunch! (the site dude, the site, not you) He just got his book published and is just tearing up the TV and media sites with interviews and book signings! I've been a fan for over 2 years - best to you on your success! Please, my friends, click and see what has intrigued me all this time. His site might also give you a few tips for your next trip to your local fav restaurant. Cake Wreck, I'm new to your site, but love, love, love it! Not sure which one was more horrifying - doll giving birth cake or the full size bridezilla cake, but love your commentary! Barmaid, you have a great way with the written word and kudos for really baring your soul. Barista, Waitress, Well Done, I really enjoy your written word as much as the emotion, humor and drama that you've inscribed for us all to enjoy.
I know there might be some curiousity with my choice of linked blogs, given the subject matter I blog about; truth is, Waiter Rant was my first (blush). From him I started clicking on links he supported and they mostly had to do with the food/restaurant industry, which I found fascinating. But the true link is the human connection. In as much as all of us write around a specific subject matter, we touch each other by our written word - whether the touch encompasses the heart, mind, funny bone, or palatte, no matter. We are connected. I will include additional links to other blogs, these intial selections are my roots, my favs.
I'm bound and determined to keep this up, even if I have to write about my daughter's dating life (spare me, oh dear lord! that is drama with a seperate zip code!). Let's just say she rolls her eyes at mine! May I not lapse into another 5 month hiatus!
Datergirl
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Dove in Heart First
Hello, Baby! It's like you never left!
Now I am a practical gal, for the most part, and have never really bought into that wives tale of holding out (not at this point and time in my life, younger - absofuckinglutely; at the same time, I don't mean to insinuate that I'll sleep with anyone, not at all, just not play all the games we did when we were young.); after all, I can no longer lay claim to my “born again virgin” club card, I've lost that privilege (???? maybe more of a burden actually). So just what is it that I’m holding on to, or out for??
I mean, I think we’re as capable of thinking with what’s between our legs as they are. The difference is, unfortunately, unlike them, we don’t know how to take the emotion out of it afterwards, or most of us don’t. But, I will say that self control and self respect will carry you a whole lot further and leave you feeling much stronger in the aftermath of a wreck, then letting the inhibitions fly to the wind!!
That you could’ve put the proverbial “fork in me” was an understatement, cuz I was done when I met JG. My mistake was believing that he, too, was done. He sure talked the talk and walked the walk. Damn well looked like a duck too. A salt & peppered haired, green-eyed, lantern-jawed, cleft-chin, very well endowed duck.
Fucking Bastard Duck! Why couldn’t you have had a 3-inch dick!!!???
Yes, I know I’m being shallow, so what? It's my blog! I could’ve bought that thing a leash & collar!
Lesson #3 – When he tells you something that feels/smells like a lie, trust your gut, it’s probably spot on. If you can back check the lie, do it. Nothing’s worse than doubting someone and not having any way to vet that doubt (well, actually there are worse things; but fuck it, it's my blog). So, when he tells you he’s stuck behind some horrific wreck “outside Baltimore,” Go get on the internet and look it up on a traffic dopler map and verify it. Same thing goes for suspicious actions or nonsensical situations. If he’s ‘lived’ here since January, but is still living out of hotel rooms, question why he hasn’t rented a place yet? "I've been too busy" ain't good enough.
If I thought it would help the next gal, I’d shout his name from the rooftop, I’d post it here in a size 9 inch.....er, 98 point font, but I doubt it's even his real name........ not to mention, the notoriety would just stroke his ego if he ever caught wind of this blog.....oh (cough) vomit!
Lord knows you can’t help who you’re attracted to; but if you’re not careful ‘chemistry’ can result in third degree burns! I thought I knew better, I do know better. This was a slip up. What’s that song lyric “You’re my heroin…”? I do identify.
God, may I please be spared any more bad boys or performance boys, or better-looking-than-I-am boys!!
If I've repeated analogies, or you think "she's said that before." I probably have x 10! Mea Culpa! It goes with the terror-tory!
Next up the almost gay guy.
I have been off of my blog for months. I just haven’t been feeling like writing or posting. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I feel like writing a lot of the time, but writing about how pathetic my (lack thereof) love life is – not so much.
I noshed and drank wine with a dear friend last night and vented fiercely about men & work, in that order. She was instrumental in getting me back on here. Claims she’s told other women about my blog and they like it and have been waiting for more.
My deepest apologies, I figured a handful of people read this and I know them all and tell them what’s happening in my life as it is, and just didn’t think this had any readership since I don’t have any links to ads or other blogs/sites. So, to the additional 3 souls who I may or may not know, thanks for reading and glad you enjoy.
If it’s too good to be true, it tru dat.
I’ve dated on and off since my last post, but will have to root around in my file cabinet of horrors to bring up memorable dates of nights past.
I’ll just start with my latest freight train.
Wreck.
Sometimes we encounter people from which there is no saving ourselves.
There’s nothing particularly funny about this latest encounter, moreover, just more of the same old shit. Am I truly optomistic or just a door mat? Not sure, but know I've moved beyond it enough to eject a little humor here and there.
JG came on to, and at me, like a freight train barreling through the countryside in the dark of night.
I usually avoid, and am cautious with freight train/gangbuster types; a lot of sexual, emotional, uncontrollable weight moving very, very fast is not a good combination when impacted upon the head & heart.
I noshed and drank wine with a dear friend last night and vented fiercely about men & work, in that order. She was instrumental in getting me back on here. Claims she’s told other women about my blog and they like it and have been waiting for more.
My deepest apologies, I figured a handful of people read this and I know them all and tell them what’s happening in my life as it is, and just didn’t think this had any readership since I don’t have any links to ads or other blogs/sites. So, to the additional 3 souls who I may or may not know, thanks for reading and glad you enjoy.
If it’s too good to be true, it tru dat.
I’ve dated on and off since my last post, but will have to root around in my file cabinet of horrors to bring up memorable dates of nights past.
I’ll just start with my latest freight train.
Wreck.
Sometimes we encounter people from which there is no saving ourselves.
There’s nothing particularly funny about this latest encounter, moreover, just more of the same old shit. Am I truly optomistic or just a door mat? Not sure, but know I've moved beyond it enough to eject a little humor here and there.
JG came on to, and at me, like a freight train barreling through the countryside in the dark of night.
I usually avoid, and am cautious with freight train/gangbuster types; a lot of sexual, emotional, uncontrollable weight moving very, very fast is not a good combination when impacted upon the head & heart.
I know these words sound like dating 101, but like the title says.....
Lesson #1 – when he doesn’t call you by your birthright name – ever – but instead calls you any variety of pet names, ie, in this particular case, I bore the monikers of ‘Baby,’ ‘Honey,’ and (pardon me if you’ve just had lunch) ‘Pumpkin.' I don’t mean to say that your man/SO shouldn’t call you Baby or Sweetheart sometimes or even often, but not exclusive of your given name. Very bad sign. For you see, if he’s playing several women at the same time, he can call all of us by these endearments and never have to worry about calling any of us by another’s name. I heard the alarm bell sound first time he called me 'Baby' – I hadn’t even met him yet - but, as appears to be my default setting, I ignored it quite effectively. Going to have to check my hardware and get a patch for that. Maybe upgrade to Stepford X-Wives 3.2., with the bonus Lessons Learned AND APPLIED plugin.
Lesson #2 – No matter the attraction, no matter what the age, don’t give up the goods the first night! Make him work for it. Hold out till at least the 2nd date!!
Lesson #1 – when he doesn’t call you by your birthright name – ever – but instead calls you any variety of pet names, ie, in this particular case, I bore the monikers of ‘Baby,’ ‘Honey,’ and (pardon me if you’ve just had lunch) ‘Pumpkin.' I don’t mean to say that your man/SO shouldn’t call you Baby or Sweetheart sometimes or even often, but not exclusive of your given name. Very bad sign. For you see, if he’s playing several women at the same time, he can call all of us by these endearments and never have to worry about calling any of us by another’s name. I heard the alarm bell sound first time he called me 'Baby' – I hadn’t even met him yet - but, as appears to be my default setting, I ignored it quite effectively. Going to have to check my hardware and get a patch for that. Maybe upgrade to Stepford X-Wives 3.2., with the bonus Lessons Learned AND APPLIED plugin.
Lesson #2 – No matter the attraction, no matter what the age, don’t give up the goods the first night! Make him work for it. Hold out till at least the 2nd date!!
Now I am a practical gal, for the most part, and have never really bought into that wives tale of holding out (not at this point and time in my life, younger - absofuckinglutely; at the same time, I don't mean to insinuate that I'll sleep with anyone, not at all, just not play all the games we did when we were young.); after all, I can no longer lay claim to my “born again virgin” club card, I've lost that privilege (???? maybe more of a burden actually). So just what is it that I’m holding on to, or out for??
I mean, I think we’re as capable of thinking with what’s between our legs as they are. The difference is, unfortunately, unlike them, we don’t know how to take the emotion out of it afterwards, or most of us don’t. But, I will say that self control and self respect will carry you a whole lot further and leave you feeling much stronger in the aftermath of a wreck, then letting the inhibitions fly to the wind!!
That you could’ve put the proverbial “fork in me” was an understatement, cuz I was done when I met JG. My mistake was believing that he, too, was done. He sure talked the talk and walked the walk. Damn well looked like a duck too. A salt & peppered haired, green-eyed, lantern-jawed, cleft-chin, very well endowed duck.
Fucking Bastard Duck! Why couldn’t you have had a 3-inch dick!!!???
Yes, I know I’m being shallow, so what? It's my blog! I could’ve bought that thing a leash & collar!
Lesson #3 – When he tells you something that feels/smells like a lie, trust your gut, it’s probably spot on. If you can back check the lie, do it. Nothing’s worse than doubting someone and not having any way to vet that doubt (well, actually there are worse things; but fuck it, it's my blog). So, when he tells you he’s stuck behind some horrific wreck “outside Baltimore,” Go get on the internet and look it up on a traffic dopler map and verify it. Same thing goes for suspicious actions or nonsensical situations. If he’s ‘lived’ here since January, but is still living out of hotel rooms, question why he hasn’t rented a place yet? "I've been too busy" ain't good enough.
If I thought it would help the next gal, I’d shout his name from the rooftop, I’d post it here in a size 9 inch.....er, 98 point font, but I doubt it's even his real name........ not to mention, the notoriety would just stroke his ego if he ever caught wind of this blog.....oh (cough) vomit!
Lord knows you can’t help who you’re attracted to; but if you’re not careful ‘chemistry’ can result in third degree burns! I thought I knew better, I do know better. This was a slip up. What’s that song lyric “You’re my heroin…”? I do identify.
God, may I please be spared any more bad boys or performance boys, or better-looking-than-I-am boys!!
If I've repeated analogies, or you think "she's said that before." I probably have x 10! Mea Culpa! It goes with the terror-tory!
Next up the almost gay guy.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Epiphany
I haven’t blogged in a while. I’ve been talking to, and even had a couple of dates with some new fellas, but nothing disastrous to complain/write about. Certainly haven’t had any more criers (thank god!).
I did have a bit of an epiphany earlier in the week that may help my efforts here on out.
I have been talking to and had a couple of dates with a great guy. We hit it off very well and I’m hopeful that there is sufficient interest on both sides to continue to date. Here’s the problem: the timing is a bit off. He is having some (I think will be minor) health issues and has spent the last 2 weeks seeing doctors and having tests performed. He is understandably anxious about this and as such, has pulled back. He’s retreated back into his cave, if you will. We have been communicating via phone, but mostly emails during this time, but until he finds out what he’s dealing with, he doesn’t feel particularly social. This irritated me, as I have encountered this behavior before. What I like to call ‘gangbusters then withdrawal.’ He knew these tests were coming when he asked me out twice in one weekend; the 2nd date, I might add, lasting 8 hours! Then he goes to ground for 2 weeks? There is just something wrong about that type of behavior. Anyway, while I was slowly wrapping myself around the axel about this, I reached out to a friend that really went to battle to land her man, in the trenches so to speak. Her advice: wait him out. Not what I wanted to hear, but I listened anyway and although it took a day or so for the stew to simmer and bubble, in the end I realized that I could do that. I won’t wait too long, but if I were dealing with an unknown and knew my anxiety could be a downer or turnoff to a potential SO, or that I just wasn't putting my best effort forth, wouldn’t I back off? Wouldn’t I say, “Hey, I really like you, really like us and want to see you again, want more of this; but I really won’t be very good company until I find out what’s causing this unknown.”
Yes, I would. I’d like to think I wouldn’t necessarily try and go out of my way to date if I was having a personal crisis, but I wouldn’t pass up what could be “the one” either (or even just a great night out, sometimes a wonderful distraction is a welcome blessing during a crisis).
I’m afraid I’ve been applying the same dating MO that I had in my 30’s (I was married for the bulk of my 20’s); which isn’t all that applicable in your 40’s pushing the five-oh. I think that if you’re in your 40’s and (still) single again, you’ve probably dated enough toads/toadettes that certain characteristics/quirks pop out pretty quickly . I am suddenly acutely aware of this - not just from my observation of men’s characteristics, but of my own. I’ve realized that I probably push a little when I should be pulling back myself, I also think I may come off as too eager on occasion; I’m such a positive and rather gregarious personality that I think sometimes it’s a bit over the top, probably could take it down a notch. Not downing myself, just trying to be more self aware.
When I made this realization, it made me rethink someone I met back during the holidays with who I also had a spark. Too late now, but ruefully, I wish I could have a do-over with him. The situation wasn't entirely my fault, as he had committed (to me) to something he ultimately couldn't do, which was not cool; but I pushed him too soon, and he bolted, which I now understand.
When I related my epiphany to my friend, she gave me kudos and told me to be grateful as most people don’t ever get the self awareness thing. They are always wondering why this or that didn’t work out or happen, totally blind of their own culpability in the matter.
Well, I hope this new guy makes it through his personal hell and picks up the phone and calls, cuz it may have only been 2 dates, but they were both great dates. From the string of emails we’ve shared since then, there is no indication otherwise, but if I’ve learned anything over the last 8/9 months you never can tell w/ these guys. And if I’ve learned something else – we (men/women) sure as shit don’t think anything alike, I mean I just can't figure out what goes on in their teeny, tiny heads!
I did have a bit of an epiphany earlier in the week that may help my efforts here on out.
I have been talking to and had a couple of dates with a great guy. We hit it off very well and I’m hopeful that there is sufficient interest on both sides to continue to date. Here’s the problem: the timing is a bit off. He is having some (I think will be minor) health issues and has spent the last 2 weeks seeing doctors and having tests performed. He is understandably anxious about this and as such, has pulled back. He’s retreated back into his cave, if you will. We have been communicating via phone, but mostly emails during this time, but until he finds out what he’s dealing with, he doesn’t feel particularly social. This irritated me, as I have encountered this behavior before. What I like to call ‘gangbusters then withdrawal.’ He knew these tests were coming when he asked me out twice in one weekend; the 2nd date, I might add, lasting 8 hours! Then he goes to ground for 2 weeks? There is just something wrong about that type of behavior. Anyway, while I was slowly wrapping myself around the axel about this, I reached out to a friend that really went to battle to land her man, in the trenches so to speak. Her advice: wait him out. Not what I wanted to hear, but I listened anyway and although it took a day or so for the stew to simmer and bubble, in the end I realized that I could do that. I won’t wait too long, but if I were dealing with an unknown and knew my anxiety could be a downer or turnoff to a potential SO, or that I just wasn't putting my best effort forth, wouldn’t I back off? Wouldn’t I say, “Hey, I really like you, really like us and want to see you again, want more of this; but I really won’t be very good company until I find out what’s causing this unknown.”
Yes, I would. I’d like to think I wouldn’t necessarily try and go out of my way to date if I was having a personal crisis, but I wouldn’t pass up what could be “the one” either (or even just a great night out, sometimes a wonderful distraction is a welcome blessing during a crisis).
I’m afraid I’ve been applying the same dating MO that I had in my 30’s (I was married for the bulk of my 20’s); which isn’t all that applicable in your 40’s pushing the five-oh. I think that if you’re in your 40’s and (still) single again, you’ve probably dated enough toads/toadettes that certain characteristics/quirks pop out pretty quickly . I am suddenly acutely aware of this - not just from my observation of men’s characteristics, but of my own. I’ve realized that I probably push a little when I should be pulling back myself, I also think I may come off as too eager on occasion; I’m such a positive and rather gregarious personality that I think sometimes it’s a bit over the top, probably could take it down a notch. Not downing myself, just trying to be more self aware.
When I made this realization, it made me rethink someone I met back during the holidays with who I also had a spark. Too late now, but ruefully, I wish I could have a do-over with him. The situation wasn't entirely my fault, as he had committed (to me) to something he ultimately couldn't do, which was not cool; but I pushed him too soon, and he bolted, which I now understand.
When I related my epiphany to my friend, she gave me kudos and told me to be grateful as most people don’t ever get the self awareness thing. They are always wondering why this or that didn’t work out or happen, totally blind of their own culpability in the matter.
Well, I hope this new guy makes it through his personal hell and picks up the phone and calls, cuz it may have only been 2 dates, but they were both great dates. From the string of emails we’ve shared since then, there is no indication otherwise, but if I’ve learned anything over the last 8/9 months you never can tell w/ these guys. And if I’ve learned something else – we (men/women) sure as shit don’t think anything alike, I mean I just can't figure out what goes on in their teeny, tiny heads!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The Island of Misfit Boys, Part Duex
Christmastime brings them out of the woodwork.
Oh I'm newly calibrated
All shiny and clean
I'm your recent adaptation
Time to redefine me
Let the word out I've got to get out
Oh I'm feeling better now
Break the news out I've got to get out
Oh I'm feeling better now
Oh I'm happy as Christmas
All wrapped to be seen
I'm your recent acquisition
Time to celebrate me
~Better Now, Collective Soul
Yes, I certainly felt ‘shiny & new.’ I don’t think my profile has seen that much action since I first posted it back in the spring!
Out of easily a dozen + hits on my profile over the holidays, there were (what I thought) two men of note that I responded to and that I went on dates with. Oddly enough, they both do the same thing professionally right down to working for the same client (different locations)! Both are smart as whips, the kind of smart where they can do calculus problems in their heads with no scratch paper! And for brainiacs, both are surprisingly witty and funny. One has looks over the other, but the other has warmth and a chemistry I couldn’t find with the former/‘looks’ one.
Alas, the sad ending to this story is that they both fizzled out and now I’m not seeing either man.
Fuck.Shit.Die.
One ‘zled’ before it could ‘fiz,’ and the other was coming from somewhere so foreign to me – might as well be the moon or maybe it was the 4 prior marriages – that I just couldn’t connect the dots and neither could he.
I knew enough to proceed with caution. I had already told myself to look out over the holiday season. But not because I thought for a minute that I would be as inundated with hits from lonely men as I was; quite the contrary. I actually thought it would be the deadest time for dating out of the whole year. Boy, was I wrong!
Most – heck, maybe they all - were lonely souls reaching out to connect over what can be the loneliest time of year and I knew that going in. I don’t have a problem w/ this time of year. I’ve been by myself for a long time, but have always had my family close by and of course, my girls. It would’ve never occurred to me to try and actually make a connection at this time of year. Emotions can be raw and people are more vulnerable during the holidays.
I won’t go into much detail about these men, mostly because with 'Moon,' even though we connect in a lovely way and I think he is a good guy, he's way too gun-shy and I'm way too not, not to mention we are coming from polar opposite perspectives. He sees what ignighted between us as a "red light," I see it as a wonderful blessing, like I said, p-o-l-a-r. But, we have chosen to stay in touch with each other, try the friend thing. No ties. As for 'Chemistry' I’m not holding too much hope, maybe a tiny thread that he will come around. At least for about another week. Then I have to let us both go. Unfortunately, we had a bit of drama and it seems he can't get past it. I thought we had wonderful chemistry, like we were wired for each other…. But at the same time, I just can’t stay as wrapped around the axle as he is over some stress that escalated (Dude, it was the holidays! Stress deserves a spot at that table as much as the Ghost of Christmas Past! Let it go, already.).
One of the things that has resulted in this latest shower of men, is that I went in and changed my profile around. I originally had concluded my profile with a paragraph about what my intent was, i.e., finding a LTR, encompassing trust, communication, and honesty, etc. blah, blah. Standard stuff for the normally challenged. So, I just took the concluding paragraph and made it my intro, thinking just maybe I'd up my odds that the next guy will read enough of it to know I'm not looking to: serial date/be a Mommy to their kids/bankroll thier Wii or Playstation habit. I truly am beginning to believe what one guy told me a while back: Guys don’t read all that shit. They don’t. They look at your pictures, see if you smoke, drink, want kids and maybe look at the drivel to the right/left that “highlights” your personality. That’s it!
I had been left wondering more than once whether or not this guy or that guy ever even read my profile, as they sure don't seem to get me; and now I'm positive that most don't. I mean what guy would respond to a woman who states very matter of fact-ly that she is interested in a LTR when he has been married 4 times and has no intention of getting involved in a LTR anytime soon??? That would be a guy that doesn't read your profile. Yep. That guy.
I quote: "I need about 5-years of 'water under the bridge' before I can even consider a serious commitment."
Honest.to.God.
Talk about a Red light!
Oh I'm newly calibrated
All shiny and clean
I'm your recent adaptation
Time to redefine me
Let the word out I've got to get out
Oh I'm feeling better now
Break the news out I've got to get out
Oh I'm feeling better now
Oh I'm happy as Christmas
All wrapped to be seen
I'm your recent acquisition
Time to celebrate me
~Better Now, Collective Soul
Yes, I certainly felt ‘shiny & new.’ I don’t think my profile has seen that much action since I first posted it back in the spring!
Out of easily a dozen + hits on my profile over the holidays, there were (what I thought) two men of note that I responded to and that I went on dates with. Oddly enough, they both do the same thing professionally right down to working for the same client (different locations)! Both are smart as whips, the kind of smart where they can do calculus problems in their heads with no scratch paper! And for brainiacs, both are surprisingly witty and funny. One has looks over the other, but the other has warmth and a chemistry I couldn’t find with the former/‘looks’ one.
Alas, the sad ending to this story is that they both fizzled out and now I’m not seeing either man.
Fuck.Shit.Die.
One ‘zled’ before it could ‘fiz,’ and the other was coming from somewhere so foreign to me – might as well be the moon or maybe it was the 4 prior marriages – that I just couldn’t connect the dots and neither could he.
I knew enough to proceed with caution. I had already told myself to look out over the holiday season. But not because I thought for a minute that I would be as inundated with hits from lonely men as I was; quite the contrary. I actually thought it would be the deadest time for dating out of the whole year. Boy, was I wrong!
Most – heck, maybe they all - were lonely souls reaching out to connect over what can be the loneliest time of year and I knew that going in. I don’t have a problem w/ this time of year. I’ve been by myself for a long time, but have always had my family close by and of course, my girls. It would’ve never occurred to me to try and actually make a connection at this time of year. Emotions can be raw and people are more vulnerable during the holidays.
I won’t go into much detail about these men, mostly because with 'Moon,' even though we connect in a lovely way and I think he is a good guy, he's way too gun-shy and I'm way too not, not to mention we are coming from polar opposite perspectives. He sees what ignighted between us as a "red light," I see it as a wonderful blessing, like I said, p-o-l-a-r. But, we have chosen to stay in touch with each other, try the friend thing. No ties. As for 'Chemistry' I’m not holding too much hope, maybe a tiny thread that he will come around. At least for about another week. Then I have to let us both go. Unfortunately, we had a bit of drama and it seems he can't get past it. I thought we had wonderful chemistry, like we were wired for each other…. But at the same time, I just can’t stay as wrapped around the axle as he is over some stress that escalated (Dude, it was the holidays! Stress deserves a spot at that table as much as the Ghost of Christmas Past! Let it go, already.).
One of the things that has resulted in this latest shower of men, is that I went in and changed my profile around. I originally had concluded my profile with a paragraph about what my intent was, i.e., finding a LTR, encompassing trust, communication, and honesty, etc. blah, blah. Standard stuff for the normally challenged. So, I just took the concluding paragraph and made it my intro, thinking just maybe I'd up my odds that the next guy will read enough of it to know I'm not looking to: serial date/be a Mommy to their kids/bankroll thier Wii or Playstation habit. I truly am beginning to believe what one guy told me a while back: Guys don’t read all that shit. They don’t. They look at your pictures, see if you smoke, drink, want kids and maybe look at the drivel to the right/left that “highlights” your personality. That’s it!
I had been left wondering more than once whether or not this guy or that guy ever even read my profile, as they sure don't seem to get me; and now I'm positive that most don't. I mean what guy would respond to a woman who states very matter of fact-ly that she is interested in a LTR when he has been married 4 times and has no intention of getting involved in a LTR anytime soon??? That would be a guy that doesn't read your profile. Yep. That guy.
I quote: "I need about 5-years of 'water under the bridge' before I can even consider a serious commitment."
Honest.to.God.
Talk about a Red light!
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