Hobbits & Goblins (and it’s not even Halloween yet!)

I don’t date Hobbits; well, just once and it was a bad idea and I learned my lesson.

I am a tad taller than 5’ 8,” no Amazon mind you but on the tall side of average. Now, put me in heels and I can shoot up to 5’10” – 6.’ So, I don't go out of my way to repsond to the Tom Cruise representation of height challenged men.

Enter the Hobbit. Careful! If you blink you’ll miss him.

It is my conclusion that no matter the height, men under 5’7” will list their height as 5’6” no matter how tall they really are. If they’re 4’11” they’re 5’6,” 5’2,” on paper - 5’6.” It’s a bad rap for anyone truly 5’6,” they’re pretty much screwed cuz I won’t take the bait again.

When you tell me you’re 5’6” and then when we meet the top of your head (hair included) comes to bottom of my chin/jaw line, even with benefit of doubt, you’re 5.’ I actually measured my head, from my crown to my chin is 8 inches – you’re getting a HUGE benefit of doubt!

Then there’s the crawling part. Yeah, where you have to crawl up me like a monkey in a tree to kiss me.

Ahhhhhh………

No.

Kinda creeped me out, sorry. I tried.

Also, what size shoe do you wear, little Dude?? Those are most definitely NOT Hobbit feet! At least Hobbit feet… well you know what they say about large feet…

My hands are bigger than your feet.

Sigh.

Now Goblins are a different breed (but you knew that, right?). Goblins are not necessarily height or foot-size challenged. No, Goblins are merely ugly or unattractive and don’t post a picture of themselves on-line because they are so insecure. They may claim to be “in the process” of posting pictures on their profile; but don’t allow yourself to be duped, you’ll only be doubly disappointed in the results.

I can only wonder if like attracts like; i.e., do Goblinettes see something divine when they gaze at the white frame that has the words ‘No Photo’ next to the witty on-line screen name??

Think I’m mean or cruel, shallow even? Read this, then judge.

About ½ the traffic on my profile is from Goblins. Sure are a lot of faceless folks out there. Not all send me email, but some do. And last night I actually got a first!! I got an email from what I will call a Globbit!

A Hobbit that is ALSO a Goblin. A Globbit. Perfect. (Sounds better than Gobbit don’t cha’ think?)

A 5’6” faceless, photo-less, 55-yo man. A surfer dude! My, my! Been surfing since he was 11…… that’s 44 years of surfing fun. 44 years of saltwater and sun……

Now, I’m no stranger to sun and saltwater, and attest my preference to be around it as much as I can on my profile; which is why, I believe, I attracted this double disappointment dude. But 44 years of sand & surf… not a pretty picture does my imagination make!!

I keep picturing Spicoli at 55 (Fast Times at Ridgemont High).

(shudder)

(And no, it's not the same as picturing Sean Penn at 55; I'm picturing the character, not the actor! There's a difference....)

My luck, he probably looks like Sam Elliot in 'The Lifeguard' but aged 20 years.

Add in the fact that - in as much as I will give him well deserved credit for actually composing an email to me, which he then applied the Diet Coke/Snickers affect to by trying, lamely, to make me believe I’ve viewed his profile already. Manipulate much? Like I wouldn’t remember viewing a faceless profile? Actually, I probably wouldn’t, which is why I don’t view any profiles without a photo attached to them. Fairly easy system I’ve got going for keeping track of my dittzy self.

Interesting though, he’s the 2nd guy in a week to do that. Makes me wonder if there’s a “tips” website out there somewhere for the ‘faceless’ daters.