Ohhhh, look, kittens. They're sooooo cute, huh Mackenzie?? Sniff, sniff...did you fart?

I just love this picture and had to post it! It has absolutely nothing to do about bad dates. Except that it is from Almost Gay Guy. Who wasn't really a bad date; just not into that type. Rethinking about posting about him. Nice guy. Just an Abba song shy of gay and there's nothing wrong with that.

He’s just not that into......buying me lunch?

There’s always a first for everything, especially in internet dating.

Over the past year + I have read this and that regarding etiquette and modern dating. Not necessarily just applicable to internet dating; but to all methods of trying to make that connection.

One of the topics where I have seen both traditional views and very non-traditional views expressed is that of “who pays.” I’m fairly traditional and ‘old school;’ in my view if you are asked out on a date and that date includes a cup of coffee, a meal, or a movie, the ‘asker’ carries the burden of paying for his/her dates’ drink, meal, or movie. If the initial date turns into multiple dates; I think it’s okay to share or split some of the incurred costs associated. Although, I do think that even later on when you’ve been dating a while, if it’s the guy asking out the girl (in my case), then most of the time I expect guy to pay – I’m a Baby Boomer, not a Gen-X – that’s how it is with us, and that’s how it was with our parents, and their parents, and it’s worked pretty well historically. I know there are exceptions to the rule based on income level/other variables and I get that. I’m sure Julia picks up the tab when she and Danny step out on the town most times (I know they're married now, find me another well known couple I can site where she's the bank and he's not, k? My blog!). Quite frankly, after telling my youngest daughter (23 yo) about this latest date, she was pretty shocked at my dates’ caddishness.

So, yes, you’ve figured it out. I went on a date and had to pay my own way. If this happens again, I know how I will react; but part of me was ‘WTF’ shocked and the other part of me was going “How am I supposed to react to this?”

So, met ‘Cad Vanity’ on line about 4 weeks ago. He initiated contact and in the first week went away for the weekend (which was okay, we all have a life that continues). When he got back the following week he sent me an email and, having previously asked me to lunch (we work a block from each other), proceeded to inform me that lunch would have to wait as he would be out of town for the next 15 days on business and vacation…………

I ask you: Who initiates contact when they know with the first communication sent that they will be unavailable for the next 3 weeks?

Now, I will say that I was talking with another suitor at the same time that I favored over this jerk, but, unfortunately, that fizzled out; which dovetailed with Cad Vanity coming back into town and announcing to me his arrival. I had sent him an email while he was gone that I thought would really render him gone; but there he was “back in civilization!”

So he asked if I still wanted to do lunch; and I thought, well why not – who knows??? Nothing ventured, nothing gained; another one that could grow on me…….*Sh!t* don't.drink.the.koolaid.

He told me to pick where I wanted to go and let him know. So, I did. I picked a very modest burger/salad-type local joint (to equal the place that he suggested that was in my building....ummm, no) that has a similar ordering system to the Chipotle chain. We agree to meet at 11:30 – this was stipulated by him - I think - 3 times … So, I show up at appointed ½ hour and we meet, shake hands, he introduces himself like we’ve met for a business lunch…..uh-oh -- dah dah dah dummmmmmmm...

We chat a few seconds about the restaurant, he didn’t know it existed in our work neighborhood, blah, blah, blah, and head to the counter to order. The kid behind the counter welcomes us, asks us if we know the drill, etc. Cad Vanity is clueless and asks a billion questions (ok, maybe 4 or 5, of which 3 or 4 are too many). The kid asks: “together or separate?’ I'm thinking "Well, together of course," and almost blurt that out, but think better of it. Something distracts Cad Vanity and the kid asks us to step closer to the counter, then asks again… “together or separate?” Cad Vanity says: “What? Oh! Separate.”

c r i c k e t s

AYFKM??????!!!!!!!

And yet, because I have never encountered this before and all those articles and headlines are flooding into my frontal lobe; I’m at the same time going “Hold on, hold on, this is acceptable behavior somewhere…..where though, where???? Oh yeah, that would be Cowardly-Cheapass-Chump territory on MARS.

He must do this all of the time; he’s so matter of fact in his demeanor.

So, I pay for my friggin’ $8 fish salad & drink and am livid on the inside, but not sure I should be - given some other recent dating behavior – I can’t figure who's on first and which one got the first down! I choose to carry out the charade. We get our food and continue outside to sit and eat. The conversation is initially about him for the first 20 minutes (I haven’t even asked him anything yet!) Surprise! Although we have a couple of things in common, his conversation has that “I’m already here, so I might as well eat lunch anyway” detached quality about it.

Nice. I could be having a tuna sandwich at my desk and catching up on Michael Phelps phenomenal physique.

You !!@#&*$%!…..

Needless to say, there was no plea made in respect to “I’d like to do this again sometime” from me. “Please, sir, stick another needle in my eye. More waterboarding please!”

If I encounter that chump behavior again, I’ll save my money and excuse myself by telling him… “Seperate Checks, Separate tables, Separate ways, you cheap sumbitch!”

I've jumped the fence...I'm out!

Christ, it's cold and deep at this end of the pool!

Well, I've signed up for the Adsense. I've also linked a few of my fav blogs, some of whom I've been reading long before I ever started my blog and one as recently as last week; and I want them to know they've been an inspiration to me in my journey so far. I have to throw out a Congrats to Waiter Rant, the Grand-Daddy of the bunch! (the site dude, the site, not you) He just got his book published and is just tearing up the TV and media sites with interviews and book signings! I've been a fan for over 2 years - best to you on your success! Please, my friends, click and see what has intrigued me all this time. His site might also give you a few tips for your next trip to your local fav restaurant. Cake Wreck, I'm new to your site, but love, love, love it! Not sure which one was more horrifying - doll giving birth cake or the full size bridezilla cake, but love your commentary! Barmaid, you have a great way with the written word and kudos for really baring your soul. Barista, Waitress, Well Done, I really enjoy your written word as much as the emotion, humor and drama that you've inscribed for us all to enjoy.


I know there might be some curiousity with my choice of linked blogs, given the subject matter I blog about; truth is, Waiter Rant was my first (blush). From him I started clicking on links he supported and they mostly had to do with the food/restaurant industry, which I found fascinating. But the true link is the human connection. In as much as all of us write around a specific subject matter, we touch each other by our written word - whether the touch encompasses the heart, mind, funny bone, or palatte, no matter. We are connected. I will include additional links to other blogs, these intial selections are my roots, my favs.

I'm bound and determined to keep this up, even if I have to write about my daughter's dating life (spare me, oh dear lord! that is drama with a seperate zip code!). Let's just say she rolls her eyes at mine! May I not lapse into another 5 month hiatus!

Datergirl

Dove in Heart First

Hello, Baby! It's like you never left!

I have been off of my blog for months. I just haven’t been feeling like writing or posting. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I feel like writing a lot of the time, but writing about how pathetic my (lack thereof) love life is – not so much.

I noshed and drank wine with a dear friend last night and vented fiercely about men & work, in that order. She was instrumental in getting me back on here. Claims she’s told other women about my blog and they like it and have been waiting for more.

My deepest apologies, I figured a handful of people read this and I know them all and tell them what’s happening in my life as it is, and just didn’t think this had any readership since I don’t have any links to ads or other blogs/sites. So, to the additional 3 souls who I may or may not know, thanks for reading and glad you enjoy.

If it’s too good to be true, it tru dat.

I’ve dated on and off since my last post, but will have to root around in my file cabinet of horrors to bring up memorable dates of nights past.

I’ll just start with my latest freight train.

Wreck.

Sometimes we encounter people from which there is no saving ourselves.

There’s nothing particularly funny about this latest encounter, moreover, just more of the same old shit. Am I truly optomistic or just a door mat? Not sure, but know I've moved beyond it enough to eject a little humor here and there.

JG came on to, and at me, like a freight train barreling through the countryside in the dark of night.

I usually avoid, and am cautious with freight train/gangbuster types; a lot of sexual, emotional, uncontrollable weight moving very, very fast is not a good combination when impacted upon the head & heart.

I know these words sound like dating 101, but like the title says.....

Lesson #1 – when he doesn’t call you by your birthright name – ever – but instead calls you any variety of pet names, ie, in this particular case, I bore the monikers of ‘Baby,’ ‘Honey,’ and (pardon me if you’ve just had lunch) ‘Pumpkin.' I don’t mean to say that your man/SO shouldn’t call you Baby or Sweetheart sometimes or even often, but not exclusive of your given name. Very bad sign. For you see, if he’s playing several women at the same time, he can call all of us by these endearments and never have to worry about calling any of us by another’s name. I heard the alarm bell sound first time he called me 'Baby' – I hadn’t even met him yet - but, as appears to be my default setting, I ignored it quite effectively. Going to have to check my hardware and get a patch for that. Maybe upgrade to Stepford X-Wives 3.2., with the bonus Lessons Learned AND APPLIED plugin.

Lesson #2 – No matter the attraction, no matter what the age, don’t give up the goods the first night! Make him work for it. Hold out till at least the 2nd date!!

Now I am a practical gal, for the most part, and have never really bought into that wives tale of holding out (not at this point and time in my life, younger - absofuckinglutely; at the same time, I don't mean to insinuate that I'll sleep with anyone, not at all, just not play all the games we did when we were young.); after all, I can no longer lay claim to my “born again virgin” club card, I've lost that privilege (???? maybe more of a burden actually). So just what is it that I’m holding on to, or out for??

I mean, I think we’re as capable of thinking with what’s between our legs as they are. The difference is, unfortunately, unlike them, we don’t know how to take the emotion out of it afterwards, or most of us don’t. But, I will say that self control and self respect will carry you a whole lot further and leave you feeling much stronger in the aftermath of a wreck, then letting the inhibitions fly to the wind!!

That you could’ve put the proverbial “fork in me” was an understatement, cuz I was done when I met JG. My mistake was believing that he, too, was done. He sure talked the talk and walked the walk. Damn well looked like a duck too. A salt & peppered haired, green-eyed, lantern-jawed, cleft-chin, very well endowed duck.

Fucking Bastard Duck! Why couldn’t you have had a 3-inch dick!!!???

Yes, I know I’m being shallow, so what? It's my blog! I could’ve bought that thing a leash & collar!

Lesson #3 – When he tells you something that feels/smells like a lie, trust your gut, it’s probably spot on. If you can back check the lie, do it. Nothing’s worse than doubting someone and not having any way to vet that doubt (well, actually there are worse things; but fuck it, it's my blog). So, when he tells you he’s stuck behind some horrific wreck “outside Baltimore,” Go get on the internet and look it up on a traffic dopler map and verify it. Same thing goes for suspicious actions or nonsensical situations. If he’s ‘lived’ here since January, but is still living out of hotel rooms, question why he hasn’t rented a place yet? "I've been too busy" ain't good enough.

If I thought it would help the next gal, I’d shout his name from the rooftop, I’d post it here in a size 9 inch.....er, 98 point font, but I doubt it's even his real name........ not to mention, the notoriety would just stroke his ego if he ever caught wind of this blog.....oh (cough) vomit!

Lord knows you can’t help who you’re attracted to; but if you’re not careful ‘chemistry’ can result in third degree burns! I thought I knew better, I do know better. This was a slip up. What’s that song lyric “You’re my heroin…”? I do identify.

God, may I please be spared any more bad boys or performance boys, or better-looking-than-I-am boys!!

If I've repeated analogies, or you think "she's said that before." I probably have x 10! Mea Culpa! It goes with the terror-tory!

Next up the almost gay guy.