He’s just not that into......buying me lunch?

There’s always a first for everything, especially in internet dating.

Over the past year + I have read this and that regarding etiquette and modern dating. Not necessarily just applicable to internet dating; but to all methods of trying to make that connection.

One of the topics where I have seen both traditional views and very non-traditional views expressed is that of “who pays.” I’m fairly traditional and ‘old school;’ in my view if you are asked out on a date and that date includes a cup of coffee, a meal, or a movie, the ‘asker’ carries the burden of paying for his/her dates’ drink, meal, or movie. If the initial date turns into multiple dates; I think it’s okay to share or split some of the incurred costs associated. Although, I do think that even later on when you’ve been dating a while, if it’s the guy asking out the girl (in my case), then most of the time I expect guy to pay – I’m a Baby Boomer, not a Gen-X – that’s how it is with us, and that’s how it was with our parents, and their parents, and it’s worked pretty well historically. I know there are exceptions to the rule based on income level/other variables and I get that. I’m sure Julia picks up the tab when she and Danny step out on the town most times (I know they're married now, find me another well known couple I can site where she's the bank and he's not, k? My blog!). Quite frankly, after telling my youngest daughter (23 yo) about this latest date, she was pretty shocked at my dates’ caddishness.

So, yes, you’ve figured it out. I went on a date and had to pay my own way. If this happens again, I know how I will react; but part of me was ‘WTF’ shocked and the other part of me was going “How am I supposed to react to this?”

So, met ‘Cad Vanity’ on line about 4 weeks ago. He initiated contact and in the first week went away for the weekend (which was okay, we all have a life that continues). When he got back the following week he sent me an email and, having previously asked me to lunch (we work a block from each other), proceeded to inform me that lunch would have to wait as he would be out of town for the next 15 days on business and vacation…………

I ask you: Who initiates contact when they know with the first communication sent that they will be unavailable for the next 3 weeks?

Now, I will say that I was talking with another suitor at the same time that I favored over this jerk, but, unfortunately, that fizzled out; which dovetailed with Cad Vanity coming back into town and announcing to me his arrival. I had sent him an email while he was gone that I thought would really render him gone; but there he was “back in civilization!”

So he asked if I still wanted to do lunch; and I thought, well why not – who knows??? Nothing ventured, nothing gained; another one that could grow on me…….*Sh!t* don't.drink.the.koolaid.

He told me to pick where I wanted to go and let him know. So, I did. I picked a very modest burger/salad-type local joint (to equal the place that he suggested that was in my building....ummm, no) that has a similar ordering system to the Chipotle chain. We agree to meet at 11:30 – this was stipulated by him - I think - 3 times … So, I show up at appointed ½ hour and we meet, shake hands, he introduces himself like we’ve met for a business lunch…..uh-oh -- dah dah dah dummmmmmmm...

We chat a few seconds about the restaurant, he didn’t know it existed in our work neighborhood, blah, blah, blah, and head to the counter to order. The kid behind the counter welcomes us, asks us if we know the drill, etc. Cad Vanity is clueless and asks a billion questions (ok, maybe 4 or 5, of which 3 or 4 are too many). The kid asks: “together or separate?’ I'm thinking "Well, together of course," and almost blurt that out, but think better of it. Something distracts Cad Vanity and the kid asks us to step closer to the counter, then asks again… “together or separate?” Cad Vanity says: “What? Oh! Separate.”

c r i c k e t s

AYFKM??????!!!!!!!

And yet, because I have never encountered this before and all those articles and headlines are flooding into my frontal lobe; I’m at the same time going “Hold on, hold on, this is acceptable behavior somewhere…..where though, where???? Oh yeah, that would be Cowardly-Cheapass-Chump territory on MARS.

He must do this all of the time; he’s so matter of fact in his demeanor.

So, I pay for my friggin’ $8 fish salad & drink and am livid on the inside, but not sure I should be - given some other recent dating behavior – I can’t figure who's on first and which one got the first down! I choose to carry out the charade. We get our food and continue outside to sit and eat. The conversation is initially about him for the first 20 minutes (I haven’t even asked him anything yet!) Surprise! Although we have a couple of things in common, his conversation has that “I’m already here, so I might as well eat lunch anyway” detached quality about it.

Nice. I could be having a tuna sandwich at my desk and catching up on Michael Phelps phenomenal physique.

You !!@#&*$%!…..

Needless to say, there was no plea made in respect to “I’d like to do this again sometime” from me. “Please, sir, stick another needle in my eye. More waterboarding please!”

If I encounter that chump behavior again, I’ll save my money and excuse myself by telling him… “Seperate Checks, Separate tables, Separate ways, you cheap sumbitch!”