Had a second round at this sport on Saturday night. It’s like chemo for those of us with SO cancer. Slow, steady treatment intended on breaking down whatever resistance we women have to turtlenecked-sport jacketed-no-socks-with-deck-shoes-wearing 50 year olds with a comb over or news anchor hair.
So far for me, the cancer’s winning. I can’t relinquish my hold on finding an equal. A ying for my yang (and do I ever need a yang about now), a Fred to my inner Ethel, a Brad to my Angelina.
I saw an article in the last week on the internet that was actually titled:
How to date during the World Series
I was dumbfounded! Men will actually give up chasing tail for baseball? Give it up and make us chase them? AYFKM?
That is a sad, sad, sad state of affairs.
One of the men the other night begged off right after the actual ‘speedy’ part was over with, with a “I’m gonna head home and catch the rest of the play-off game.” I Guess when Tawny Kitaen didn't show up for coffee, he decided to bag it. I found myself actually giving him kudos for showing up to the event in the first place. Pathetic.
This time the venue was a coffee shop downtown. I expected free coffee for $30.00, any coffee of my choosing for that matter, but we didn’t get it. We got a dollar off our first coffee order. That, and what looked like Costco mini-pastries. I think I’ll stick to booze events from here out.
I have a date tomorrow or Wednesday night, but I’m expecting that to probably implode before it can actually get here. This is someone I met on Snatch last week. He seems normal, so how can we possibly get to a first date? Actually, he seems better than normal - a totally unpretentious, guys' guy. I know I can completely be myself around this guy. We talked for almost 2 hours but unfortunately, if this bad luck continues to hang in there, I don't even have to think about it, nothing will come of this either. (come on ladybug luck!) It will die on the vine before it can even have a chance.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Speed Dating, Vino & Cheese, and the Japanese journalist
I went to a 4-minute speed date accompanied by a wine and cheese tasting Saturday evening. It was my first time ever experiencing this sort of social event for the pure purpose of seeking out a potential date or mate. I can say that it wasn’t as difficult or intimidating as I expected it to be; and although the organizers couldn’t control all aspects of an event like this, they did do a good job at essentially getting everybody to the table, so to speak.
There were about 35-40 women and what appeared to be an equal amount of men. Essentially, the women line tables with their backs to the wall, 2 to a table, the men then come in and sit opposite the ladies on the inside of the room. You talk for 4 minutes, which can be either excruciatingly long, or too terribly short. Each table has a cheese tray upon it and there are several wine glasses. We had 6 whites and 4 reds with tastes being poured every other rotation.
Unless you were at the table occupied by the evenings’ lushes!! Then you got up and got your own…
(Lush:) “God Damn bottle of wine!” (Steward:) “Mam’, the pours occur every other rotation. That is how this wine tasting is being done; there’s not enough wine for you to have your own bottle; and you and some of the other guests cut down on what supply we had by drinking some of the wine before the event even started.” (Lush:) “But he’s not pouring!!!”) This woman wouldn’t give up, she kept getting up and getting her glass filled, or just taking a bottle from the table in the center of the room. I think, with the exception of a few, the men felt like this table was a gauntlet they had to endure rather than a 4 minute conversation. The more wine these women consumed, the more obnoxious and bold they became. One guy made a comment to the effect of ‘Glad that’s over.’ Kinda sad. And yet, since they were the table before mine, they only served to make me look better and I already looked good!! ;-)
Only the men rotated, the women stayed stationary, which is typical. You were given a sheet of paper with a matrix on it where you would put their first name and a number from their name tag, then you had two columns to the right where you could check ‘interested/not,’ and finally to the right of that there was a line to make note of what they were wearing….on their chin, so that later you could remember them by that description/note. I didn’t immediately make use of the form, I thought you were only supposed to put down those that you actually had an interest in, so there were several rotations before I made use of it!
As the evening wore on, I found the interface interesting but the venue boring (it was held in a hotel conference room). I kept thinking how surreal it was to meet people this way. Some men seemed expectant, as if I were to do some trick or say something magical or clever that would set me a part from the rest of the herd thus earning me their coveted attention and interest; some came with their life story already memorized and proceeded to sell themselves, much like an pre-owned certified Honda (“One previous owner, no major wrecks, and I was never in New Orleans, I swear!”). There were a few that were genuinely warm, sweet and mildly charming – perhaps possible dating material. And then there were the handful of misfits, either physically challenged in some manner, or painfully shy, or just ill-equipped socially. My favorite (in a very non-favorite way) was the Japanese entry. He came with his own cheese stash that he started at the first table and would augment at each table with about ½ of whatever was on the main cheese platter. He didn’t speak very good English and what he did speak was heavily accented. So that ‘journalist’ came out (after 3 attempts) as ‘urnalish.’ I was able to ascertain after the first 2 minutes that he was a journalist from Japan, here in the nation’s capitol covering politics. For who or what back in Japan I never could understand; and so, painfully I waited for the next 2 minutes to pass while he sat across from me and proceeded to eat more and more cheese and drink a rather large pour of red while the rest of us were still on whites (hmmmm? That’s odd, I thought at the time, not realizing that half our wine supply had already been consumed.) and continued to speak, in shattered English, occasionally breaking into a great big grin that showed a grey piranha toothed smile. Apparently, he was with the group that short-changed the rest of us on wine pours, so he was well on his way to full-on drunk by the time he got to me, and I don’t think he made it another 2 tables before he passed out and they had to put him at a table in the center of the room surrounded on either side by event staff (wouldn’t you like that job: “Damn, I gotta take care of the drunks again! I pulled drunk duty last week!”) where he sat for the remainder of the evening chin firmly holding his chest down in the chair. He was so drunk, the event staff had to bring up a wheelchair at 10 pm to haul his inebriated ass downstairs!!! Needless to say, I was soooo glad to hear the words “rotate please!”
All-in-all, it was a pleasant learning experience. I didn’t meet anyone that made my heart (or any other anatomy part) particularly take notice, and I didn’t much mind whether or not anyone contacted me from this event.
Monday
So, imagine my surprise when I got an email from one of the guys on Sunday evening. All of a sudden, I realized the importance and reasoning behind the cheat-sheet form that they handed out!! You can’t remember all the CPAs, Lawyers, Software Engineers, or Analysts – many of which have common names, ie, Mike, Tim, Dave, Michael, Timothy, David –that you meet in a 4-minute slot!! So, I checked my sheet and luckily I had put a description of what this guy was wearing, so in this instance I was able to put a face to the name and number. Only thing is, as I recall, he was far more into the other woman at the table then he was me. So, I’m wondering, did he mismatch names to descriptions on his cheat-sheet?
Tuesday
Apparently not, I received another email from him and it would seem that I am the choice of his attention. Hmmmm, I guess I could chalk it up to his being too shy to appear initially interested, but interested enough none-the-less? That’s my Son-in-laws’ theory, maybe he knows this behavior himself…? So, we’ve proposed a date later in the week. I’m thinking coffee or drinks, I’m a bit uneasy committing to dinner. Although, I have met, seen, and talked to the guy. Would an hour be that hard? We’ll see when he contacts me again.
Wednesday
Looks like dinner Thursday night. I’m either a complete and utter optimist/fool or a glutton for punishment! I think it will be okay though, he actually seems fairly normal and maybe even equal to me in being both open and guarded. I'm going to go out on limb and make the assumption that I don't have to worry about him crying at the table (I know, I know don't ass/u/me anything!). What ever shall I wear? (All the lessons in the world and I still will worry about how I look! I'm such a girl!
There were about 35-40 women and what appeared to be an equal amount of men. Essentially, the women line tables with their backs to the wall, 2 to a table, the men then come in and sit opposite the ladies on the inside of the room. You talk for 4 minutes, which can be either excruciatingly long, or too terribly short. Each table has a cheese tray upon it and there are several wine glasses. We had 6 whites and 4 reds with tastes being poured every other rotation.
Unless you were at the table occupied by the evenings’ lushes!! Then you got up and got your own…
(Lush:) “God Damn bottle of wine!” (Steward:) “Mam’, the pours occur every other rotation. That is how this wine tasting is being done; there’s not enough wine for you to have your own bottle; and you and some of the other guests cut down on what supply we had by drinking some of the wine before the event even started.” (Lush:) “But he’s not pouring!!!”) This woman wouldn’t give up, she kept getting up and getting her glass filled, or just taking a bottle from the table in the center of the room. I think, with the exception of a few, the men felt like this table was a gauntlet they had to endure rather than a 4 minute conversation. The more wine these women consumed, the more obnoxious and bold they became. One guy made a comment to the effect of ‘Glad that’s over.’ Kinda sad. And yet, since they were the table before mine, they only served to make me look better and I already looked good!! ;-)
Only the men rotated, the women stayed stationary, which is typical. You were given a sheet of paper with a matrix on it where you would put their first name and a number from their name tag, then you had two columns to the right where you could check ‘interested/not,’ and finally to the right of that there was a line to make note of what they were wearing….on their chin, so that later you could remember them by that description/note. I didn’t immediately make use of the form, I thought you were only supposed to put down those that you actually had an interest in, so there were several rotations before I made use of it!
As the evening wore on, I found the interface interesting but the venue boring (it was held in a hotel conference room). I kept thinking how surreal it was to meet people this way. Some men seemed expectant, as if I were to do some trick or say something magical or clever that would set me a part from the rest of the herd thus earning me their coveted attention and interest; some came with their life story already memorized and proceeded to sell themselves, much like an pre-owned certified Honda (“One previous owner, no major wrecks, and I was never in New Orleans, I swear!”). There were a few that were genuinely warm, sweet and mildly charming – perhaps possible dating material. And then there were the handful of misfits, either physically challenged in some manner, or painfully shy, or just ill-equipped socially. My favorite (in a very non-favorite way) was the Japanese entry. He came with his own cheese stash that he started at the first table and would augment at each table with about ½ of whatever was on the main cheese platter. He didn’t speak very good English and what he did speak was heavily accented. So that ‘journalist’ came out (after 3 attempts) as ‘urnalish.’ I was able to ascertain after the first 2 minutes that he was a journalist from Japan, here in the nation’s capitol covering politics. For who or what back in Japan I never could understand; and so, painfully I waited for the next 2 minutes to pass while he sat across from me and proceeded to eat more and more cheese and drink a rather large pour of red while the rest of us were still on whites (hmmmm? That’s odd, I thought at the time, not realizing that half our wine supply had already been consumed.) and continued to speak, in shattered English, occasionally breaking into a great big grin that showed a grey piranha toothed smile. Apparently, he was with the group that short-changed the rest of us on wine pours, so he was well on his way to full-on drunk by the time he got to me, and I don’t think he made it another 2 tables before he passed out and they had to put him at a table in the center of the room surrounded on either side by event staff (wouldn’t you like that job: “Damn, I gotta take care of the drunks again! I pulled drunk duty last week!”) where he sat for the remainder of the evening chin firmly holding his chest down in the chair. He was so drunk, the event staff had to bring up a wheelchair at 10 pm to haul his inebriated ass downstairs!!! Needless to say, I was soooo glad to hear the words “rotate please!”
All-in-all, it was a pleasant learning experience. I didn’t meet anyone that made my heart (or any other anatomy part) particularly take notice, and I didn’t much mind whether or not anyone contacted me from this event.
Monday
So, imagine my surprise when I got an email from one of the guys on Sunday evening. All of a sudden, I realized the importance and reasoning behind the cheat-sheet form that they handed out!! You can’t remember all the CPAs, Lawyers, Software Engineers, or Analysts – many of which have common names, ie, Mike, Tim, Dave, Michael, Timothy, David –that you meet in a 4-minute slot!! So, I checked my sheet and luckily I had put a description of what this guy was wearing, so in this instance I was able to put a face to the name and number. Only thing is, as I recall, he was far more into the other woman at the table then he was me. So, I’m wondering, did he mismatch names to descriptions on his cheat-sheet?
Tuesday
Apparently not, I received another email from him and it would seem that I am the choice of his attention. Hmmmm, I guess I could chalk it up to his being too shy to appear initially interested, but interested enough none-the-less? That’s my Son-in-laws’ theory, maybe he knows this behavior himself…? So, we’ve proposed a date later in the week. I’m thinking coffee or drinks, I’m a bit uneasy committing to dinner. Although, I have met, seen, and talked to the guy. Would an hour be that hard? We’ll see when he contacts me again.
Wednesday
Looks like dinner Thursday night. I’m either a complete and utter optimist/fool or a glutton for punishment! I think it will be okay though, he actually seems fairly normal and maybe even equal to me in being both open and guarded. I'm going to go out on limb and make the assumption that I don't have to worry about him crying at the table (I know, I know don't ass/u/me anything!). What ever shall I wear? (All the lessons in the world and I still will worry about how I look! I'm such a girl!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Quality Control
I believe my days on the internet dating scene are definitely numbered, if not done. This journey started out positive, upbeat and with promise. It ends negative, worn out and, I'm afraid, with little hope.
I can't seem to weed out the wieners, duds, gonzos, flakes, and misfits. They start out promising, but, usually pretty quickly, wind up reveling character traits or behavior that is decidedly not what I'm looking for, not to mention less than attractive.
Take the latest. Kind, nice, smart, very good sense of humor ('excellent' shall be reserved for when I find 'the one,' for he will possess it), (seemingly) normal, somewhat attractive. He 'winked' at me, I responded in kind which kick started communication between us, which in turn sparked chemistry and we seemed to click nicely. He had no problem expressing his attraction for me and although I was attracted more to his intelligence and wit, than to his physical self (is there a pattern here??), I had realized from previous encounters, that you can't escalate that initial attraction too much. Because if it doesn't match the physical attraction when you meet, you're screwed. So, I was a little less enthusiastic with my romantic overtures and made sure I nipped anything too 'high-brow' in the bud (usual guy stuff) as soon as he uttered it (never in a disarming way and usually with humor). He continued to call and text me repeatedly throughout the next 3-4 days. Then, with nary a 'Boo' he shut down and bugged off like I had an STD. Within a 2 hour window he went from "I can't wait to hold you in my arms." (to which I didn't respond in kind, but did respond) to cutting our next phone conversation short and by the following day did not even reply to an email, much less a phone call.
*POOF*
I don't purport to know what went through his head and it took me very little time to not care either. Another Flake. I could speculate but don't believe he's worth the effort.
There is a woman in my oldest daughters' (MOD) place of work that is approximately the same age as me and MOD told her of my fiasco over the Labor Day weekend with Mr. I'll Grow on You. She, apparently, had been down this same battle-scarred path of internet dating with very similar results. Her one comment that is now ringing resonant with me is when she told MOD that there is far more Quantity over Quality on the internet dating scene; and she is soooooo right. My latest encounter, above, is dictionary definition of just that. No. 347,186,000 out of a billion.
I realize that as my time on the internet dating scene evolved, I became far more willing to accept behavior flaws or other defects that if encountered in a face-to-face match-up would immediately send up guard rails and deploy riot police in my head. I accept this fact and would now like to amend that flaw in character judgment in myself. Please note: If you aren’t up to par within a 24-hour period of initial contact and communication, I’m done. Can’t carry a conversation? Done. Your laugh doesn’t make me smile or laugh, but makes me cringe? Done. Can’t manage to keep your head (followed by your mouth) out of the gutter long enough to not turn every word out of my mouth into innuendo? Done. Don’t have some kind of connection with your family (providing you have one, and they aren’t convicted felons)? Done. My dog doesn’t like you? Really done!!
When your part of a lottery system you find that you will compromise a lot to win a prize or be the prize won. I mean when your odds are 10,000 to 1 (or even higher, depending on your market) that you'll walk away with the Power Ball -much less - not have to split your winnings with 3 other ticket holders, you begin to compromise and lower your standards, whether you mean to or not. Or at you least start to overlook other less appealing traits, habits, ticks, and such.
In as much as I have a foot in both worlds of thought, first that we make our future and can create our own destiny; and second, that things happen for a reason (I know they are completely contradictory to each other, but I better my odds :-) I know that I’m either meant to find/discover someone far better suited to me than anyone Snatch.com or any of the other dating sites has to offer or that he is going to happen to me.
Having said all that, instead of giving up, I’m just going to try a new venue. The same woman I mentioned above that works w/ MOD told her about a national organization that caters to singles on a local level (w/ chapters in every major city). They sponsor all different kinds of social events, from speed dating-to hikes or bike rides-to 10-day all inclusive vacations. Membership’s free, but you do have to pay for the events you wish to participate in and the cost ranges from $5 to the thousands for the vacation getaways. Her opinion of this organization was so positive and glowing (she had great results), I’ve decided to try it myself. So, I’ve signed up for one of the events this weekend. No doubt I’ll be writing here next week.
And for any male readers, you can easily change the gender references and behavior flaws I've mentioned above and more or less have the same opinion of trying to find Ms. Right on the internet; this is not meant as an anti-men bash, just my personal experience. So, please refrain from bitch bashing me.
I can't seem to weed out the wieners, duds, gonzos, flakes, and misfits. They start out promising, but, usually pretty quickly, wind up reveling character traits or behavior that is decidedly not what I'm looking for, not to mention less than attractive.
Take the latest. Kind, nice, smart, very good sense of humor ('excellent' shall be reserved for when I find 'the one,' for he will possess it), (seemingly) normal, somewhat attractive. He 'winked' at me, I responded in kind which kick started communication between us, which in turn sparked chemistry and we seemed to click nicely. He had no problem expressing his attraction for me and although I was attracted more to his intelligence and wit, than to his physical self (is there a pattern here??), I had realized from previous encounters, that you can't escalate that initial attraction too much. Because if it doesn't match the physical attraction when you meet, you're screwed. So, I was a little less enthusiastic with my romantic overtures and made sure I nipped anything too 'high-brow' in the bud (usual guy stuff) as soon as he uttered it (never in a disarming way and usually with humor). He continued to call and text me repeatedly throughout the next 3-4 days. Then, with nary a 'Boo' he shut down and bugged off like I had an STD. Within a 2 hour window he went from "I can't wait to hold you in my arms." (to which I didn't respond in kind, but did respond) to cutting our next phone conversation short and by the following day did not even reply to an email, much less a phone call.
*POOF*
I don't purport to know what went through his head and it took me very little time to not care either. Another Flake. I could speculate but don't believe he's worth the effort.
There is a woman in my oldest daughters' (MOD) place of work that is approximately the same age as me and MOD told her of my fiasco over the Labor Day weekend with Mr. I'll Grow on You. She, apparently, had been down this same battle-scarred path of internet dating with very similar results. Her one comment that is now ringing resonant with me is when she told MOD that there is far more Quantity over Quality on the internet dating scene; and she is soooooo right. My latest encounter, above, is dictionary definition of just that. No. 347,186,000 out of a billion.
I realize that as my time on the internet dating scene evolved, I became far more willing to accept behavior flaws or other defects that if encountered in a face-to-face match-up would immediately send up guard rails and deploy riot police in my head. I accept this fact and would now like to amend that flaw in character judgment in myself. Please note: If you aren’t up to par within a 24-hour period of initial contact and communication, I’m done. Can’t carry a conversation? Done. Your laugh doesn’t make me smile or laugh, but makes me cringe? Done. Can’t manage to keep your head (followed by your mouth) out of the gutter long enough to not turn every word out of my mouth into innuendo? Done. Don’t have some kind of connection with your family (providing you have one, and they aren’t convicted felons)? Done. My dog doesn’t like you? Really done!!
When your part of a lottery system you find that you will compromise a lot to win a prize or be the prize won. I mean when your odds are 10,000 to 1 (or even higher, depending on your market) that you'll walk away with the Power Ball -much less - not have to split your winnings with 3 other ticket holders, you begin to compromise and lower your standards, whether you mean to or not. Or at you least start to overlook other less appealing traits, habits, ticks, and such.
In as much as I have a foot in both worlds of thought, first that we make our future and can create our own destiny; and second, that things happen for a reason (I know they are completely contradictory to each other, but I better my odds :-) I know that I’m either meant to find/discover someone far better suited to me than anyone Snatch.com or any of the other dating sites has to offer or that he is going to happen to me.
Having said all that, instead of giving up, I’m just going to try a new venue. The same woman I mentioned above that works w/ MOD told her about a national organization that caters to singles on a local level (w/ chapters in every major city). They sponsor all different kinds of social events, from speed dating-to hikes or bike rides-to 10-day all inclusive vacations. Membership’s free, but you do have to pay for the events you wish to participate in and the cost ranges from $5 to the thousands for the vacation getaways. Her opinion of this organization was so positive and glowing (she had great results), I’ve decided to try it myself. So, I’ve signed up for one of the events this weekend. No doubt I’ll be writing here next week.
And for any male readers, you can easily change the gender references and behavior flaws I've mentioned above and more or less have the same opinion of trying to find Ms. Right on the internet; this is not meant as an anti-men bash, just my personal experience. So, please refrain from bitch bashing me.
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